e’re scrapping the big Super Bowl party this year.
Instead of celebrities from coast to coast and politicians form one
side of the aisle to…well, one side of the aisle, we’ll just be enjoying
the game as a family this year.
They
plan to “watch the Super Bowl together as a family in their home,” a
White House official told ABC News of the Obamas. No further explanation
was given.
I don’t want to
mislead you though. It’s not that we’re not having a Super Bowl Party
(with a few close friends and family members who shall remain nameless
because every time we mention “Eric Holder” any more, red flags go up),
we sooo are. It’s just that Big Guy takes his football pretty seriously,
and previous guests did not.
He
got tired of schmoozing with the rude guests who found it perfectly
acceptable to continue kibitzing even after the play action began.
That’s a no-no. Football is a religion around here.
Praying to the pigskin It used to be the
only religion around here, butt that was before Big Guy discovered the power
of Touchdown Jesus ® with a certain segment of the voting public.
Listen, Jesus wants you to shut up once the game starts, OK? I
don’t think anyone should feel bad about not being invited to game day
though, since being at the Big White for the Super Bowl may be like
being on the cover of Sports Illustrated:
Jennifer Lopez and ex-husband Marc Anthony attended last year.
S
oooo last year. I thought that one would be forever.
Ex-Senator Arlen Spector: attended in 2009. We can’t afford to lose anymore of our Demo-RINO friends. Big
Guy isn’t picking a favorite (publically) butt he was relieved when the
Patriots beat the Broncos. He was afraid that with Madonna doing the
halftime show he might be pressured into “striking a pose” if that Tebow
kid was playing.
Like a virgin, only not so much. Kind of like Big Guy being a Christian. Not
that anyone is really religious around here, butt some were a little
squeamish about actually letting Big Guy get down on one knee to
“Tebow.” Since we are pandering to Christians now, there was quite a
bit of discussion over whether this pose would be well received or not.
Some thought it would play well to our new-found Christian
constituency. Others advised against this move, arguing that we should
cover our bets and not invite God to strike us sorry. You know, just in
case He does exist? And He is paying attention.
Unlike impersonating Al Green, this move could result in unintended consequences And when they saw the poll that said if the election were held today, Tim Tebow would be Tebowing all over Big Guy, they dropped the idea all together.
Butt
we’re still not in the clear. Rumor has it that uber-hunky Tom Brady
has political ambitions, is secretly an R-word AND obviously, a Patriot!
Tom with his Mom & Pop yesterday Worst of all, if the Patriots win, they’ll be invited to the Big White and Lady M will have to stand next to Giselle.
And she’s such a show off She can’t hold a candle to MO when it comes to going out for a long pass however:
You
probably want to know what we’re serving for the big game. It’s
probably pretty much what you’re having guac and dip. Only ours will be
“You know nachos… [made with] fresh tomato sauce…on sort of a good quality tortilla." Also, burgers: Kobe of course. With bacon and foie gras. Hot dogs – gourmet of course. Pizza (not sure, butt I think we’re flying Wolfgang in to make some of those special Spago pies he’s so famous for) And good news: there’s still time to get your official Obama Game-day party pack delivered by 4:00 pm EST! Coasters
and official
Joey B can holders for your adult malt beverage or delicious sugary
soda! All for only a $15 donation to WTF 2012. Butt wait!!! There’s
more. We’ll even throw in the first family’s famous chili recipe! The
first family has never actually made it, butt it’s now historical.
Anyway,
do NOT underestimate the importance of football in a Presidential
election year. You do so at your own peril. It’s often the difference
between a successful run…
and a fumble:
Because
remember: in the liberal mind looking like a winner is pretty much the
same thing as actually winning. See? Check out BO modeling the Heisman
trophy:
Strike a pose, Big Guy: it worked last time. OFF TOPIC ALERT:
I
know this is totally O/T, butt I have to tell you about the great news I
got last night! I have been admitted as a proud member of the the People’s Cube’s Gulagosphere! Another historic first!